I didn’t expect to start my thirties with an infertility diagnosis, but that’s unfortunately my reality. My name is Jamie, I’m 31, and from the UK. I’ve started this website and blog as a way to document my journey with male infertility, which is only really just beginning.
I’ll also try to share information I have learned along the way. I feel like I’ve become knowledgeable about a topic I really didn’t want to. I’m also very aware that resources seem to be lacking for men who are going through these issues, so I will try to share information that I think might help somebody else in a similar position.
It’s currently January 2025 and whilst I’ve already had my diagnosis, for more than a year already, there is still a long way to go before I can understand whether I am able to father my own biological children.
A diagnosis that seemed to come out of nowhere
I fully appreciate that if you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you or someone close to you is dealing with infertility. In a lot of cases, men will find out about a diagnosis like this because they have been trying to have a baby with their partner for 6 months of more, with no success. This wasn’t the case for me and my diagnosis came to me pretty unexpectedly.
This blog is about my own experiences, which whilst unlikely to be an exact match with your own journey, might resonate. For that reason I’m going to use this blog to tell the story as it happened, even if it isn’t the conventional way that many men find out. Hopefully there is some relevance I can share towards the end.
It began with a sharp pain in the night
In late 2022, I started to experience some pretty sudden testicular discomfort. If you’re a guy, you’ll know that if you feel a sudden sharp pain in your balls, it’s time to mildly panic.. or majorly panic?! Before this point, the idea of pulling down my boxers in the GP’s office was beyond my capabilities. Let’s be honest, it’s not what you want to do, is it?
Let me tell you though… when you get a sudden sharp onset of ball ache, any reservation rapidly goes out of the window. With the panic fully reaching what felt like critical levels, I plodded along to A&E. If you’ve ever been to urgent care in the UK, you’ll know the pain of waiting around for hours to be seen. Luckily for me, a GP was able to see me very quickly and I found myself sitting in front of him within the hour.
“Can you pull down your trousers and underwear and lay flat, please” he asserted. At this point, by the way, any discomfort or embarrassment was not even close to registering in my mind. That felt so unimportant at the time. I really need to stress that these checks are not anywhere near as embarrassing or awkward as you try to tell yourself it will be.
Within moments, the doctor had found a small hard lump on my epididymis, which is the weird clumpy area behind the testicle. To be fair to him, he did suggest that a painful lump is better than a painless one, but to be sure we can rule out testicular cancer, he immediately referred me for a testicular ultrasound scan.
Having the first ultrasound scan sent my anxiety spiraling
Whilst this section isn’t yet delving fully into the male infertility side of things, if you’ve ever had a health scan due to something unknown, it’s really frightening. For many urological investigations, including for fertility, ultrasound scans are quite common.
I was fortunate enough to take advantage of my private healthcare through work and had the scan booked in within days. I arrived at a hospital in London and entered a small room with a monitor and a bed. I found myself, once again, balls out in front of doctor… only this time he was rubbing a cold gel on them!
If you ever get booked in for one of these testicular ultrasound scans, they’re totally painless and they’re pretty quick. You get to view the images if you turn your head towards the screen, and depending on who the radiologist is, they may even talk you through what is going on. Again I should re-iterate, it’s nowhere near as scary or awkward as you think.
Thankfully, during the appointment, the radiologist put my mind at ease and suggested that whilst I should wait for the final report and consultation with the urologist, he was not concerned that there was anything sinister and he suspected that there may be some minor inflammation in the epididymis. Subsequently, I had an appointment with the urologist, and he confirmed that there was nothing concerning and that the inflammation might be related to something called epididymitis (an infection of the epididymis) and he prescribed from antibiotics to clear it up.
Well that’s that, I thought! Problem solved, job done. 2 weeks of antibiotics and I’ll be right as rain. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Weeks turned into months and I now had what felt like a chronic dull ache in the left testicle. I returned to the urologist, and after another ultrasound scan, he suddenly said: “Let’s check your sperm”.
The pivotal moment
It was quite unexpected to be hearing that my sperm needed to be checked, as it had never crossed my mind before. His initial motivations were to understand if there was an infection, so the rationale made sense.
“You’ll be able to arrange with my secretary an appointment at the clinic where you can do your sample. Please, don’t do it here at the hospital… I don’t think the nurses would appreciate that” he quipped. I half smirked but to be honest, I was mortified at what was being asked of me and I had no idea what to expect!
Several phone calls later, I had arranged a “time” and “place” to perform a semen analysis test. This felt like some messed up situation I had landed myself in, but I had to do what I had to do. Doc asks, doc gets.
The awkward reality of a semen analysis test
I’m not going to lie here, these tests are awkward and uncomfortable to participate in. Don’t let that put you off, but it’s worth being honest. I arrived at a fertility clinic and queued at quite a busy reception. In my quietest imaginable voice I practically whisper “I’m here to do a sample”.
The lady at reception understood immediately (thank god) and within moments I was ushered into a waiting room, filled with mostly couples undergoing fertility treatments. My first one of these samples did not go swimmingly well from this point though…
Things started to go wrong
You’ve got to first understand that at this point, I’ve got no idea what is going to happen next logistically. All I know is that I am in a waiting room, and in about 10 minutes, I am going to have to produce a semen sample somewhere in this building!
Suddenly a nurse enters the crowded waiting area and starts reeling off a list of names, including mine?! I’m like “Hold up… why is she calling us all up like we’re auditioning for the X Factor?!” I complied and stood up, along with about 5 other men and we filed down some stairs into a corridor.
I kid you not, the corridor had about 6 small rooms all adjacent to one another, with frosted glass! Frosted glass, are they kidding?! I am in flight or fight mode at this point, internally crumbling as I’m imagining what kind of madness I’m landed in. I was told to sit on the chair in one of the rooms. You can imagine what I am thinking. Why are we all doing it at the same time, in adjacent rooms.. with frosted glass?!
My heart is literally racing as the nurse walks in, closes the frosted glass door, plonks herself down in the chair next to me and says “have you been here before?”.
“No, first time” I literally quivered.
Holding a clipboard, she sees the look of horror in my eyes and says “so are you ok with blood tests?”
The realisation… and relief, hit me all at once. They’ve put my name on the wrong list! After explaining, discretely, that I thought this was not the sort of test I was expecting, I was rapidly marched down to a very different area of the clinic. I suddenly found myself in a private, secluded area dedicated to… you get the idea. Literally. I’ve never thought I would seek such relief from such a place!
Anyway, whilst that was quite funny after the fact, it goes to show that sometimes these things don’t go completely smoothly and mistakes can happen. Trust the process, I guess?
Finding somewhere a little more private
I was debating on whether I should include a picture of one of these rooms, but honestly it’s just a room with a sink, a chair, and a bed. Don’t expect five star hotel hospitality. There were a box of magazines under the bed, but I didn’t much fancy going near those to be honest!
I don’t think I need to explain what happened next, this is not that sort of website! Needless to say, I left the sample behind in the designated space and vanished from the clinic as fast as I could. I was glad it was over and that I would never have to do that again… Famous last words?
Earth shattering results
It was a few days later when my mobile phone rang. It was my very kind and empathetic urologist.
“I’ve got an update about your results, Jamie”. he said in a frank and concerned tone. I suspected there would be some sort of bacteria which is what he had initially predicted. He explained very quickly that the sperm sample contained no bacteria. Good news?
“I’m afraid there was no sperm in your sample and you have something called azoospermia” he said.
Azoo-what?! No sperm? How is that even possible? To say I was shocked was an understatement. To be told this over the phone was wild and I didn’t really know how to process it in that moment. He suggested we do another sample to confirm the result but as soon as that call ended, I just sat in absolute silence, totally gob smacked.
A diagnosis of male infertility changes everything
As I said earlier on, not everybody has the same journey and some men find out before they start trying to have a baby. Regardless of when you find out, it’s a hugely significant diagnosis that has far reaching impacts for men and their partners. I’ll explain my own experiences in more detail in later blogs.
So that’s how it all began. That is how I found out I was an infertile man. I’ll go into the emotions of this diagnosis, and what came next, in the next blog.
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